Even before the Twin Towers had collapsed, it was a matter of consensus among the conspiracy community that those accused of the attack - Osama Bin Laden and al-Qaeda - could not have been the culprits. Despite concerted effort, THE MAD REVISIONIST was unable to come up with a single reasonable, rational explanation as to why religious fundamentalists would want to crash themselves and plane-loads full of people into crowded office buildings, and, further to the principles of revisionist methodology, if it doesn't make sense to us personally, it didn't happen.
Given the conclusive nature of this evidence, we decided that it was our responsibility as citizens and historians (along with one electrical engineer) to find out who was really responsible so that justice could be done. And considering the seriousness of the crime, we resolved to devote a full year of concerted pondering towards revealing who it was that had the means, the motive, and the opportunity to commit this heinous act.
Naturally, our first suspicion was directed against the most obvious suspect: Sweden. It has long been known by revisionist researchers that the people of Sweden define themselves as Swedish, as opposed to all other people who are non-Swedish and therefore considered, by implication, inferior with regards to whatever qualities make someone Swedish. And even though this division of the world between Swedes and non-Swedes is based to a large extent simply on whether someone has been born in Sweden or to Swedish parents, the world has been strangely silent and reticent about this obviously racist criteria for inclusion. Besides, any people who would produce sweet mustard must be capable of any depravity.
However, unable to attribute any specific motive to Sweden, our attention was directed against the only country that did have a clear and obvious reason to stage an attack on the United States in precisely this manner: Canada.
Means, motive, and opportunity. Canada was very nearby, and could easily infiltrate operatives across the border. Their efficient state apparatus was much better equipped to pull off an operation of this magnitude than a group of terrorists half a world away. But what's more, it has long been known that Canada suffers under a debilitating inferiority complex, one that could easily have led to a virulent hostility against the very targets that were attacked on September 11.
Take a look at the CN Tower. Why would they build such a big, long, hard, rigid monstrosity? What purpose does it serve other than to give New York State the finger from across the lake? Canadians seem to take great pride in the fact that theirs is the largest tower in the world. What, then, would they be expected to feel about other structures in other countries whose sizes are a cause of distinction? Of course, the World Trade Centre comes to mind, as does the Pentagon, which, with over 3.7 million square feet of space, is the world's largest office building.
It has been speculated that the fourth plane, which went down over Pennsylvania, had been targeted at the White House. Researchers at THE MAD REVISIONIST are divided as to the plausibility of this scenario. On one hand, the White House could well have been chosen as powerful symbolic expression of Canadian superiority, seeing as the Canadians already burned it down once before during the War of 1812. However, our air-photo expert, Mr. Jim Sphere, has concluded that the true trajectory of the fourth plane shows it heading in the direction of Chicago - most likely aimed at the Sears Tower.** Though Mr. Sphere acknowledges that this is not, in fact, what the evidence shows, the evidence in question was doctored by CSIS. In support of this claim, Jim is offering a cash reward to anyone who can prove that he is not, in fact, an air-photo expert. Those seeking to claim this reward can direct their inquiries to a post office box that we're not going to check anyway, so don't bother.
Several otherwise incomprehensible aspects of this affair suddenly become clear once Canadian complicity in the attacks is understood. There was, for example, much concern expressed in Canada when George Bush, thanking numerous countries for their assistance in the aftermath of the tragedies, neglected to mention Canada. Was this merely an oversight, or a subtle hint that the CIA had already uncovered evidence of Canadian involvement? And what about that "friendly fire" incident in Afghanistan? An accident? Or did our boys, contrary to the instructions of their government (always quick to pander to the interests of "our most reliable ally to the north"), finally decide to engage the True Enemy?
Furthermore, it is important to note that not a single Canadian was killed in the September 11 attacks. This is no lie. Indeed, this highly suspicious fact - obscured by the controlled media - is undeniable, as someone has posted it on the web and called it undeniable (see above), but it can also be verified by a simple look at the lists of the victims of the World Trade Centre and Pentagon disasters. Not a single one of the names on any of those lists is identifiably Canadian.
Obviously, then, Canadians working at the World Trade Centre were warned in advance to call in sick that morning. Naturally, they never bothered to tell any of their non-Canadian co-workers, indicating the contempt that Canadians have for non-Canadian life.
What can we conclude from all of this? Well, I do know one thing. If I were the President of Malaysia (and I hope to be some day), I would be very concerned about the possibility of Canadian designs on the Petronas Towers.
THE MAD REVISIONIST: We do not recruit; we convince. Truth has no need of coercion. We invite your support and submissions.
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